Darren LeBlanc

I need some volunteers to comment on sections of the Anthem of Hope cd set…as they are created. Right now, I have the scriptures compiled for the Encouragement Disc and need comments before we hit the studio with the hired voices. If you are interested in reviewing the script, please send an email to the address found in the contact page on this site. (go up to the right top and click contact) Please put AoH in the subject line.

Thats all for now. Hope your weekend is going well :)

Tonight seems like a bit quieter than many new years eve’s. The big 2008 seemed to just retreat quietly without as much attention as usual. In light of that…there is something I’m finally bringing myself to write about. It’s not a theological discussion, so let’s stay away from that…just something that is on my heart often.

We all know that I think the world of my Misty. She was an extraordinary woman…for many reasons. And one of those reasons is that she was amazingly discerning. She always knew things that other people didn’t pick up on. She seemed to have perhaps a sixth sense, if you will, about many things in life.

In the final few weeks of Misty’s life, she began to act differently. She would run her hand down the back of my neck, more affectionately than usual. She would make eye contact for longer as if she wanted to say something, but the words weren’t there. And she would sit and watch so intently as Olivia would play. It was as if she were drinking in every moment…cherishing every smile and every laugh.

When we were in the hospital that first day of her last stay there, she was in and out of consciousness all day. When she was awake, she wasn’t able to do much…but she rubbed my hand. She held my hand and moved her fingers around as best as she could. A couple times during the day and during the night she’d wake and rub her hand on mine for as long as she was awake. The next morning she went into a seizure and came out in a coma. Her hand rubbing that night was the last communication I got from my best friend.

I didn’t know it then, but I believe she was saying goodbye - all those last few weeks, just saying goodbye. I believe she was saying that she knew it was time and that I shouldn’t worry. It seems clear now. I remember that she tried to tell me she knew she was going to die - it was only a few weeks earlier and she wanted me to guess at what she was thinking (she couldn’t talk at all) and that is where we ended up. I basically ignored that and told her we were believing God for a miracle. But she was a step ahead of me. She trusted God so intimately that she was ready for whatever was next. She wasn’t stuck on needing to be on this earth anymore..she was ready to be used by God in whatever capacity he chose…whether in life or in death. It was the extension of that faith that stirred so many of our hearts.

So, as we quietly say goodbye to 2008, I can’t help but remember another goodbye of 2008. A parting that, unlike this evening’s expected calendar change, cannot be characterized as quiet, expected or usual. As Misty slipped away, she wasn’t able to physically say anything at all, but her life spoke so loudly and served as an example for many. She is missed tonight and every night of the year, but I’m so thankful for the years I did have with her and for the legacy of faith she has left for me, for Olivia, and for many of you.

Liv and I had a visit tonight from my old friends Kristi and James. They came in from PA for dinner. It was really nice. 

Anyway, James is a fellow musician and is working on writing songs for a new record with his group Wakeup Sleeper (Kristi, by the way, is a top shelf marketing mind), so we ended up talking about songwriting and inspiration and the such. SO it got me thinking. Toward the end of Misty’s life I was reading a ton. I was listening to audio books and reading the Bible everyday. At any time during that period, I could have preached a sermon on no notice and probably convinced anyone that it took a month to prepare. I was growing so much myself and learning so much, that the impartation of that knowledge was almost inevitable. Now, I’m too busy again for personal growth…and it probably shows but the frequency of really significant posts you all read on here.  It reminds me of when I was a youth pastor. I had many things going for me - I truly loved the students for one and that let me earn the right to be heard (which with teenagers is 90% of the battle), but I look back and I know that I wasn’t really as strong of a teacher as I should have been. There were times, it would take me till the very last minute possible to finish writing a sermon. The problem was that I was working full time for the dept of defense, and then on top of that I was working 45 hours a week for the church. In the middle I tried to be a good husband, have a web design business and play in a touring worship band. So yes, I didn’t do a great job of personal development - and it probably showed in my teaching.

In talking with James, the conversation was more focused on art rather than teaching. We realized that we each could reach back in our lives to the times when we were growing most - those were the times when we created the best art. The times when we learned the biggest lessons in life, yielded fruit in our art. We often focus on the skills needed rather than the self needed. We put emphasis on learning how to preach, or how to  paint, or how to write songs - but we neglect learning about who we are. We neglect studying ourselves; our passions, our ideas, our strengths and especially our weaknesses. In growing as a person, we will inevitably be better suited to tackle any area of life.

My goal is to listen to one audio book a week. For me right now, it’s going to be a theological piece, but at other times it has been a leadership development book or any other thing like that. I think next on my list is The Confessions of St Augustine.

I signed the certificate for incorporation application tonight for Hope Resource Group. (Hope Resource Group is the official company making all the Anthem of Hope stuff)

Whoo Hoo!

Also, I found this link online:
http://www.mymusiccd.com/christian_cds.htm

My mom got Olivia the first CD on that page there and she just absolutely loved it. I think it was last year for Christmas that we got it, but we listened to it everyday for like 6 months. The songs are customized with your name in the lyrics. It’s a great baby gift.

It has been a slightly rough few days, but not because of Christmas. I know everyone expects the holidays to be hard for someone that recently lost a loved one, and I do totally understand that idea…but that hasn’t been the case for me. Christmas was a good day and no harder than any other since losing Misty. For me, the hardest part of this season has been Olivia’s birthday present: her new room.

Olivia turns 2 today and I decided it was time to redo her room. She had a cute room before, but as she is getting older, it was becoming less functional. I spent some
time planning a new room for her that will provide space for her to play, read and learn, rather than just sleep and get changed. I spent a bunch of nights up late, sketching out where new furniture was going to go and what the room was going to look like - and buying stuff online. This was the hard part. If Misty were here, this past week would have been potentially the highlight of our married lives. She loved Olivia more than anything and doing something big like this for her would have just made the year.

Nevertheless, the room is done and today we had a party for my little lady. Unfortunately, I cannot find my wide angle lens for anything. It would have let me get a nice shot of the whole room from one of the corners. Instead I just have a few shots that show you little areas I wanted you to see specifically.

Oh and before I get into pictures, I would be remiss to not mention my Extreme Toddler Room Makeover team. Kelsey gets the prize for spending 2 entire days  (like 12 hours each) with me painting and the such. Colleen gets a kudos for helping me create the color scheme and overall design. Genevieve, Taylor and Kyleigh were the first rate production crew you wish you knew. My dad was the hero with the hammer and drill and mother-in-law with the sowing machine. Seriously, this was just a reminder that I’m really blessed to have such great people in my (and Olivia’s) life.

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Basically, everything is changed in the room. We went from a crib to a toddler bed, replaced or painted all the furniture and went with a brown and pink color scheme. The strange pink thing hanging from the ceiling is “daddy’s chair”. I wanted to have a bean bag chair to sit next to her when she is on her new pink comfy chair. There was no good place on the ground, so I hung it.

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I wanted to show you this because it’s my favorite part of the room. The first two angel figures (from left to right) were from Misty’s collection and the second two are more recent. The meanings of each form a timeline of Misty’s life and death: Love, Courage, Remember, Shining Star. It’s a artistic way of representing Misty’s life and legacy for Olivia.

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Olivia now has her own little play room, with a dining table (with tea and toast set) and her own bookshelf and toy chest (on the left - out of the picture). She loves being able to get her books off the top shelf with the little step stool. If you can’t tell, this furniture is really small…it’s pretty cute.

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And I’m far from being one to create a “shrine” for someone…but I thought it was good for Olivia to have a couple pictures of her and mommy. These are called standouts and they are glossy prints mounted by the lab onto a 1.5 inch foam-board. 

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That’s all for now (till I find my wide angle lens and can take a good picture of this room - I’m so annoyed about this. I lose everything). You can see the rest of the pictures HERE. I am home from work this week, but my focus is on Anthem of Hope, Olivia, and cleaning. So, I might not be around the blog much this week. But, I’ll be back. Thanks for reading…really.

UPDATE:
Sunrise, thanks for your concern. Apparently a couple people are also fretting because my inbox has a few messages to the same extent. The bean bag is attached to a hook that is rated at 65lbs, so unless you are planning on hanging from it with olivia…I don’t think its coming down :)

(note: smilie face means I’m joking around…not being jerky)

Also, to the person who emailed me “from a monthers perspective”. I’m am olivia’s “mother now…and I do have that perspective much more than you’d think. The bag weighs like 1 lb…I’m not too worried about it. Thanks for your  concern though!

Oh yeah…and the wall outlets have plugs in them…they are just clear and you can’t see them :)

I had it in my head that I was going to record an acoustic version of a traditional christmas carol for you all tonight….but since its 2:49am and I’m just finishing everything else I had to do, I don’t think we are getting to recording a song.

Anyway, I’m not feeling particularly articulate tonight. I’m just worn out overall and falling asleep here. I want to say Merry Christmas to all of you though. I really am so appreciative of the love and support many of you have shown me and my family. You are paramount to God’s continued encouragement and peace in my life. Thank you.

Before i go, I wanted to leave a couple images. Here are a couple from our 4yr anniversary (june 2007).

And one more. This is one of my favorite images ever. Misty was a great mom. I do miss her a ton.

Ok, so that’s it for now. I really hope you all have wonderful days today.

When I was writing a lot of music, I often caught myself working on a new song that resembled something already written. I’d throw those tunes out. Coldplay must have forgotten that step as this tune totally poses off Joe Satriani’s “If I Could Fly”. This is probably one of the top 3 rip offs I’ve heard.

I’m completely ashamed at how long it has taken my to get to this second set. The goal is still to be weekly…so I am calling this week 2. Spending 4 out of 6 weeks in arizona had me fighting for time when I was home. I just didn’t get to the picking out of cards and the scanning them in. Oh well…here we go.

Week 2: Psalm 119:71

71 “It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees.” (NIV)

In response, Misty wrote: I know that God allows faith tests in the form of temptations, problems and difficulties, to drive me into his word so I can learn His truths in deeper ways.

I like this one because it talks about affliction, but was definitely written before her first run in with cancer, or any major affliction as we would think of it. If I had to guess, I’d say this was circa 1998 (she was probably 17 yrs old), definitely before her first brain surgery in summer of 2000. The truth in this verse became more real as her life progressed, but even at an early age she noted it and found ways to apply it to her life.

Misty has had a few serious afflictions over the years. Besides the cancer story that is documented here, Misty also has her first experience with brain cancer in 2000 when she was a freshman in college. Additionally, during her 6 year period of cancer remission, she had 2 extended periods where she had hives everyday. Mostly on her body and legs, but at times her face and would have to call out of work/school. The longest period was 14 months…quite literally, it was 14 months of constant discomfort. She was no stranger to affliction…but she was no stranger to learning God’s truths either…  

If you have been around for a while, you have seen me write about how much we have learned through this struggle and how God brought Misty to such an amazing point of faith in him. I can’t deny it. I can truly attest to this verse. As Misty walked through affliction, I was there with her - and without any question, we learned God’s decrees. This is not just his promises, but also his law. I live/love/serve better today because of Misty’s affliction. And I hope I don’t make her sound like a leper…she was not. Misty took the pains that were handed to her in so many areas, and as beautifully and graciously used them to make herself better. 

The challenge here is that we make good use of the “afflictions” in our lives. We should not waste these opportunities to let us turn to the Bible.

This year Olivia was much more of a help than she was last year. She loves “helpin”. 

The blue fish on the bottom there is Rainbow Fish. He is the character from the story we used to read every night at bath time.

Olivia the pig is a favorite character of ours. Unfortunately, the real Olivia broke the arm of miss pig last year. This year, with a fresh coat of crazy glue the pig is flying high (at least high enough that she can’t be reached by two year old hands)

Misty used to have cute teacher stuff all around. Mostly gifts people would get her. She was a great teacher…and yes, even people that weren’t married to her thought that :)

Misty and my first Christmas married was 2003…this was our ornament. It’s on the tree this year.