Darren LeBlanc

Today was a bit of a downer. Stuff just didn’t feel right…I know this is to be expected. I visited the gravesite for the first time since the interment. Misty has a beautiful location. Fitting.

I have heard a few times that even if you aren’t emotionally upset, that the grieving process still makes you tired. I can attest to that. I’m doing pretty ok, but totally exhausted.

Anyway, not much to say today…here is an image from the day of the interment. I thought it was a beautiful little time. Olivia got to leave a flower on the casket as we left.

PS - with regards to the Acadia pictures, yes…whatever I post, you are free to use. If I’m reserving rights, I’ll limit the download options.

I posted a few rhetorical questions a week or so ago. I want to comment on one.

Wouldn’t it have been better for God’s work if he healed Misty? The world was watching and hoping…so many could have seen their prayers answered. Now, many that were skeptical, will likely only be more skeptical about His ability to heal, or even his existence…won’t they? We can try to be content in her current peaceful status, but wouldn’t it have been better for everyone if she were still here?

This is obviously rhetorical. Nobody has a complete answer to this…

But the simple fact that a question cannot be answered in a decisive fashion should not in any way preclude us for searching for an answer. Many of my answers lately come from the Bible. If you haven’t read it, take a crack at it…I prefer audio book cause I can listen in my car, but reading has it’s advantages too. Even if you don’t believe in God, it’s a great historical document and anyone can learn from it.

In the book of Luke, Jesus tells some interesting parables (fictional stories told to depict a truth). One that I find rather weird is the story of the rich man and Lazarus the beggar (not the more popular “Lazarus” who was raised from the dead…this guy wasn’t popular at all)

A rich man lived his life for himself (in contrast to the beggar). In his death, he found himself in hell. He called from the grave asking Abraham to send someone to tell his brothers to change thier life. (the phone call from hell is the part that is strange). Anyway, this is how it goes…

27“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

29“Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

 30” ‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

 31“He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ “

It’s no secret that I think Jesus is great. He has proven himself to me so many times. And it follows that since I think he is great…I want the people to think that as well. I guess I thought that if I could show some medical proof, that maybe more people would be open to him. But this parable took me by surprise. Jesus himself said that even seeing someone raised from the dead would not likely change any of our individual opinions on Christ. And the more I think about it, this is probably true. So, #2 is off the list. I’m accepting the fact that it is possible that there may be more benefit to people (other than me and Olivia) in her death.

Anyway, you know me…I’m the farthest thing from a person who will “shove Jesus down your throat” - I sit at the Buddhist table at lunch. I have just come to believe that living according to the Bible is by far the most rewarding way of life. God set it up that way. I still love you if you don’t agree though.

Here is a link to a few more shots from Maine. Just click on the picture to go to the gallery. My favorites are still to come.

I just tucked in my little girl. She is so wonderful. We watched Word World together on the couch as she drank her “tea bottle”. I put like 1 oz of decaf tea in a glass of milk. and we call it tea. Mommy used to drink tea a lot….so Livi likes to as well. Today she got out her crayons . First it was “I want the pink one” and she grabbed the pink one, then “the orange one” and she grabbed the orange one. Even little things thrill me. I’m so happy to be back home (even though my trip was much needed).

Anyway, tonight is just a few informal bullets.

• Misty’s mom and sister were here today and we went through all Misty’s clothes, pocketbooks and shoes.  I can’t say that it was the easiest experience of my life, but we’re still pretty peaceful through this and I think we all did pretty good.
• I loved that some of you actually listened to the radio show online or with the mp3. You all encourage me so much….thanks.  
• I’m working on the format for the little devotionals I’m going to do based on Misty’s scripture memorization cards. Its so encouraging just reading through these cards and seeing what God was teaching her from age 13 up through having cancer. I think you will be blessed by this. Coming soon.
• I’m excited that big things are happening with Anthem of Hope. Stay tuned.
• I’m going to take a look at the pictures from Acadia tomorrow and hopefully post some. I haven’t even looked at them on the computer yet (except for the 3 you all saw)
• Please pray for Olivia as I go back to work soon. I’m just trusting God that she will turn out as wonderful with just me as she would have if she were able to grow up with a mom like Misty. I  know you will all say “oh darren, you’ll do fine” but the truth is that she would have been better off having a mother and a teacher like Misty. It is now up to God to make up the difference here…and I’m trusting he will.

Lastly, If you have written a blog or note online about Misty, please go to Courtney’s website and add it to the list. I love her for compiling this list. I’m going to print them all for a book I’m making for when Olivia gets a bit older.

Here is the link to her site:
http://storinguptreasuresinheaven.blogspot.com/2008/09/i-want-to-be-ready.html

Thanks!

Thanks to the amazing crew at WHCF for having me today. They have been such an encouragement to me over the last year and it was great to get to spend a little time there. Thanks to Joe, Penny and the whole staff. http://www.whcffm.com

If you didn’t catch it today, you can listen to an mp3 of this morning’s show: HERE
(right click and select “save as” to save to your computer)

Also, I wanted to say thanks to Zach and Cheryl at the Vacationland Village Inn and Suites. They were so wonderful to me over the last few days. The staff was great as well. Anyway, if you need to stay near Bangor, look them up.  http://vacationlandvillageinn.com

I rushed home today after the radio show cause I missed my little girl (it took about 9 hours driving). While I was gone Olivia learned how to count up to 18 (it was 10 before).  And just about everything is full sentences now. She is such a little person. I’m working on the rest of the pictures from the trip. I took over 1000, so I’m picking the best and processing them. Thanks for the ideas. I’m going to make some prints available one way or another.

PS…Michele, I think you are talking about this: “Our experiences should not influence our faith, but our faith should influence our experiences.” Consider that the rough draft as I haven’t really wordsmithed it yet. I have been thinking about that concept for a while and Penny’s question today reminded of it. It’s the basis for much of my musings lately and will probably inspire a mini-book as soon as I gather my thoughts.

I was never very good at “hearing from God”. I bet many of you can relate to having questions of whether or not that was God in your head…or just that little thing up there that we call the brain (wait…I didn’t mean you have a little brain…). There have been times that I knew I heard God speaking…but many where I could not hear His voice.  The fault, however, has only been my own. God is speaking to us all the time, we just need to be pursuing him to actually hear it. (yes, my first Tozer reference). I have been doing ministry and service (saying I was doing it for God) for years, but never paid much attention to really getting to know what he is all about. The last few months have marked a change in the way I pursue God and subsequently, a change in how I hear from him. 

I’m a very illustrative teacher, because that is how I have always learned best. They best way I learn lessons are through examples in my life. The lessons that I learn are generally the ones that I teach when I have to speak somewhere.

Today I learned a lesson and I’d like to attribute it to God. I wanted to get a picture of the lighthouse here in Acadia. It’s about an hr from my hotel and 30 minutes from everywhere else I have been shooting. I first drove over there yesterday to look for a shot. I ended up scouting the area and digging my way through the woods and down some rocks to get to the perfect location. I spent 20 minutes getting the placement right and framing it up on my camera only to realize that if the tide were higher, you’d be able to see the water in the frame (remember, I’m limited with lens selection now!!). SO…I’ll wait for high tide. I also noticed that the best light would be in the late evening, since I’d be shooting it from the same direction as the sun.  I went back that evening and sat for over an hour waiting for the clouds to open up and give me just a few seconds of that beautiful evening sunlight. No luck, so I went home. Today I made my third and final trip to the lighthouse. I made my way down to my location, set the tripod up, screwed on the polarizer filter and set it, framed the picture up, checked exposure, set auto-bracketing, ran a few test shots, tweaked the frame, etc, etc…..and then I waited. The clouds were huge. It took well over an hour to clear and then another hour to get a minute that there were no people up around the lighthouse. That was it…I had spent 4 hours (plus driving) over the course of 3 trips there and all I had was about a 20 second window to take my picture before someone else walked into the frame.

But during those 2 hours of sitting in the cold (and having to go to the bathroom), I learned something. There was a time that I couldn’t wait for anything. I have never been very patient. There were months that I’d plead with God asking why on earth he couldn’t heal misty that very minute. And for the first 27 years of my life, I’d never have been able to invest so much and have to wait so long just for one stinky little image. But, God has been teaching me patience. He doesn’t always (closer to never) operate on our schedule.

Anyway, here is the image.     

By the way, I still need to finish yesterday’s story. Remind me next week if I haven’t done it by then. Oh, and pray for the radio show to go well in the morning.

Going through something like losing your 27 yr old wife to brain cancer tends to put things into perspective. Today I was up early and made my hr drive into Acadia. I was all set up and ready for the sun to start peeking its head over the horizon. As usual, I cycle through my lenses (I brought 4) to check the different focal lengths and see what frames up nicely. Well, I pulled out my “Sigma 18-50mm f/2.8″ (this is my main lens that I have had for a while and take 80% of my pictures with it - its $500) I pulled it out of the bag and as I pushed it back into the body of the camera, my fingers lost grip and my lens bounced down the 40ft of rock I was sitting on and tumbled off the edge into the water. Without a thought I chuckled to myself and said “it’s just money”.I’m doing good at not taking myself too seriously. So what if it takes me a while to save up for another one. Who really cares. There are so many bigger things to worry about.

The team at WHCF in Maine has been so wonderful and deserve a huge round of internet applause. They have had Misty on their prayer list for months ( I wish our local station was this nice). It was such an encouragement to me as they prayed for her and encouraged listeners to join in prayer. Well, things have worked out that I’ll be on their morning show Penny in the Morning tuesday around 9am. You can tune in online at http://www.whcffm.com. I am listening to it right now from the hotel, so I know it works :)

Thanks specifically to Joe Polek, the Program Director. He has been so wonderful through this. Joe, thanks man. I’m going to be talking a bit about Misty and the wonderful legacy she leaves as well as the Anthem of Hope, which was really birthed out of her illness.

Unfortunately, tonight was a terrible night for photography, there wasn’t a bit of blue in the sky or sun…just clouds. It was a great day in other ways though. I read Pursuit of God, by A.W. Tozer. You will hear much from that book in the coming days (I know you are excited!). It’s been a long day.

PS…it was so bad that i started taking pictures of myself lounging on a rock

You can read Misty’s obituary, as published in the Asbury Park Press: HERE

I’m heading out really early tomorrow. I need to get to Cadillac Mountain in Maine by sunset to kick off my photography trip. You may not hear from me as consistently for a couple days (not sure how well I’ll be connected). Olivia is with family. I have some exciting news about something going on next week….but you’ll have to check in later to find out :)

In losing a loved one, a person often steps through the widely recognized stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Of course not everyone does this the same, but there is a bit of research that supports the idea that most of us hit these stages in one way or another.

I’d like to submit that there are really 6 stages. The missing stage is Retail Therapy.

First coined in the 80’s by a writer of the Chicago Tribune, Retail Therapy is the act of buying things to make yourself feel better about your situation. Researchers at Melbourne University have advocated its classification as a psychological disorder called oniomania or compulsive shopping disorder. Unfortunately, at present, this remains unclassified and millions of Americans will continue to suffer.

I spoke with a friend today that has recently had 2 very difficult times in his family. Those difficult times are directly proportional to the amount of plasma TVs he has in his home (2, both recently acquired - each within weeks of a traumatic event). For me though, its not TVs…it’s camera gear. Sometimes, music gear…but lately, its all about the camera. It’s an investment though right? I mean, I do get paid to shoot events and weddings and stuff. 

While there are many different styles of Retail Therapy, there are two core tenets that never change. 

1. It has to be now. - The last few days have had me biting my nails practically to the cuticle. Every good camera shop within a days drive from me is owned and operated by Jewish families. The recent observance of Rosh Hashanna has left me without a store to even buy online from for days. Today, was the first day they opened…and I of course made the trek to NYC because there was no way I could wait for shipping.
2. Whatever the product of choice, when asked how much you spent, the only appropriate response is always “more than I should have.”

- - - -

Seriously though, I did pick up a new lens today. A sigma 10-20mm ultra wide angle zoom. It is definitely something that I need for events and weddings, but the timeliness of the purchase is hardly quincidental. Liv and I met up with Misty’s mom and sister today as well as the Pottigers - we all did a little apple picking at a local orchard. It was fun. Click the image below to see the gallery shot with the new lens. That’s all for today…my brain doesn’t have the stamina to stay up and write anything meaningful tonight (its 2am).