Darren LeBlanc

To be completely honest…life is beginning to be a little surreal. Not in a good way like if you won the ridiculous lottery that NY is always advertising….but in that life almost seems fake. Tonight puts one more mark on the list of times I have had to tell my wife that her chemotherapy has become ineffective. One more time that we have to consider that there is no doctor in the world that would sign up to a very optimistic prognosis.

I guess its just that life looks a lot different lately. In the past I remember having feelings about wanting to be comfortable. Its like, you know…”if i just had $10,000 – I could pay off my credit cards, and put a down payment on the car I really need”. Or “If I just get this new job….life will be so much easier for us”. I remember also dreams of being influential. At the core of my heart, there is a desire to do great things…to bring positive influence to this earth. I’ve had dreams of being a government leader, or an influential community pastor…or even just a mentor to a couple great kids. All my dreams however, have been put on the proverbial “back burner”. They have been pulled from the realm of something I am reaching for and have been relinquished to a tattered folder of “things to do before I die” – and I don’t visit that folder much anymore. I guess the story is that life changes. Just about everything I cared about 3 years ago…has become vanity. (except for people…i still love people) So, I guess that’s why it’s a bit surreal. Or maybe its just that I finally have a problem that I cannot fix. Everything in life has always come so easy to me…and now, life itself is a struggle. And really…thats all I want anymore.

As you can guess, I would have hoped for a bit of better news today. In reality though, Misty took the news pretty well. We really are still holding on to hope in God. Its just a long road…and I wish she would get a break.