less than stellar
Most days find me pretty stalwart…not really all that emotional lately. Nevertheless, I cried twice today.
Once was driving home from misty’s parents house. We went over there for dinner tonight. Olivia is actually staying over there because she has been sniffling and we want to make sure she isn’t sick. Can’t have sickness aroung Misty. I’m not up for any more pneumonia. and I don’t think Misty is either. Anyway, today was a really rough day. Misty spent way too much of the day staring into space, kinda out of it….and she spent even more time despressed and discouraged. Doubt crept into my mind and I probably wasn’t the pillar of encouragement that I needed to be all day. It was just a rough day. On the way home Misty fell asleep and I just prayed…I just want her to healed completely. Yes, it is wonderful that she is alive. I’m thankful for that, but her healing is not complete. We are anxious for that.
My eyes shed a tear one other time today as well. I read a note from an old friend, Tanith, who works in the Emergency Room at Monmouth Medical:
Hey Darren.
I just wanted to let you know I turned a few of the nurses onto leblanc life. And you have a whole ER of prayer. They ask about Misty every day. I just tell them to pray and read up. And Im sure that they do. The ER is an environment where a lot of us become skeptical, cynical, and often discouraged. We as staff, always do what we can, and throw our whole heart into caring for our patients, but with as many terrible things that we see, many staff members become cold, in a way. We have to become numb and not get attached to patients, because on many an occasion, the outcome is poor. But you warmed the hearts and spirits of many of the nurses, techs and paper pushers. In your few hours there whispers of the two of you ran rampant past the nurses station and everyone wanted to know about the hope that you sustain in your day to day life and how could you two even have the strength to do it. Your love for Misty was apparent to every one who talked to you two. It was a breath of light, and the power of it was a shock wave. I let them know it was a little thing called Faith.
So while I was beginning to feed a destructive self-pity phase, I was reminded that “God’s ways are higher than our ways” and that in the midst of pain, there just may be something good happening – even more scary…there might be a purpose for it. I just need to shut up and trust God. Even when I don’t know what’s going on…I just have to trust him.
This whole trust thing is easier said than done though.
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Darren,
I will be praying for you and Misty often today. I will be praying that the joy of the Lord would penetrate your hearts and that your hope would be renewed. Over the last 2 years, I’ve had one physical problem after another, sometimes indicating some serious problems. Although nothing serious has ever been diagnosed, I’m still in the process of trying to get to the bottom of it. I share this because I understand what’s it like to have bad days. I know what’s it like when you can’t get your mind off of negative thoughts all day and how debilitating that is. All I can say is keep fighting. Lay it all down at the Father’s feet as soon as you can today. No, I don’t completely understand what you are experiencing but our Father does and deeply loves and cares for you and Misty. Also remember that there is a huge body of believers praying for you and many of us wish we could give you big hugs right now and lift you up when you feel you can’t go on. So, press on Darren. We love you and unite with you in continuing to pray for Misty’s complete healing.
Darren,
Thank you for your transparency. Sometimes walking through the valley can be difficult and that is why God allows the people around us to pray and stand with us (or hold up your arms if you will) God so adores your family and I know you all are the apple of His eye. Your feelings are real and so valid…….while God already knows your heart..know you can pour it all out to God (Psalms 142. We serve a mighty God and He desires to hold you and your family in this season. Keep running to Him!
A co-worker forwarded your blog to me this morning. I am a pastor, working in a retirement community…Your story has touched me deeply. Misty and you, and your loved ones will be in my prayers.
As I was reading your blog, I had the picture of the body of Christ holding up your arms to continue winning this battle! You are in my prayers.
Hey Darren,
When i pray for you, i don’t only just pray for healing. I pray to God that i may be half the man you are, and that i may be part of half the amazing family you have. My friend, don’t you ever forget God works all situations (good and bad) for good for those who love him.
I wake up everyday, and i’m fully confident there will be healing. Thank you, amidst tragedy, being a pillar of hope, and i will never stop praying for you family.
Darren,
So often, I am embarrassed to call some people my brothers and sisters in Christ. May I just say…… it is an honor to call you my brother. You glorify the name of Christ. You allow people to see YOU. And in so doing, they see Christ. No pretenses. No false airs. No arrogance. Just truth, good and bad. Sometimes the bad and sad truth speaks louder. Like when Jesus was in the garden and said “if this cup could pass from me…” even HE allowed us to see his humanness. I love you both.
What an awesome testimony you guys have going. That letter is proof of it. It also brought tears to my eyes.
Discouragement is bound to come Darren. There is no avoiding it. This doesn’t mean you lack faith. It means you are human.
I am sending you an internet HUG.
Oh Darren, I just wept at this blog entry. Not just because you both felt discouraged, but because it must be so hard to hang in the balance of trust, faith, and a really hard day. Thank God that you have God.
Your faith moves people. God IS using Misty, and you, and Olivia. I pray for the ER, that Misty’s light inspired them all.
Darlene and family
Oh Darren,
My heart of course goes out to you and Misty. I love you both so very much. Misty said, to believe and pray and I continue to remind myself of that. So, I believe that God is in the mist of all of this and he truly understands your heart. I know it is heavy at times and it is ok to feel that way. You have been the most amazing husband any women could ever dream of having. I know you desire to have your Misty whole and healthy in Jesus name. We are praying and believing in Jesus name. May you and Misty’s hearts be encouraged today.
Love Lavenia
Ephesians 3:20
Now glory be to God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of-infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.
Praying for your family.
Oh, there I go, too–shedding tears…
…that was moving…
Have I ever told you that you are an awesome brother? I have always said that I am proud to have Misty as a sister, but I am also proud to have a brother-in-law like you. I know I never say much, but I want you to know that I see the kind of person and husband you are, and I hope that I’m lucky enough to find someone who has real, true passion and love for me the way you do for my sister. You take good care of her. I love you and I hope you never underestimate the influence that both you and Misty have on so many people. Even if, like me, it sometimes goes unspoken, it is there. Hang in there, kiddo. ;)
Darren,
You don’t know me, but like so many out there, I have been touched by your love for Misty and your family. I have been reading your blog now for several months and want you to know that God has used y’alls story to bring me closer to Himself. And I thank you for that. I am praying for Misty’s healing and for your peace.