Darren LeBlanc

Many of you have “pray for misty” banners on your websites. Thank you so much for posting them. I am going to change the source image file for all of them to something new over the next few days. It will be some thing in rememberence of Misty. If you want the new banner, you don’t have to do anything; the banner you have now, will automatically change to the new o ne. If you want to take it down, simply delete the HTML code that you originally pasted in there.

 Thanks.

Today I buried the love of my life.

I was ok, untill the very end of the ceremony when Olivia put her flower on the casket, blew a kiss and said “bye bye mommy”. She knew what was going on to some extent – when we first got there she immediately said “mommy?” when she saw the casket. She had said goodbye to her on saturday at a little viewing we had before the big service. And as we drove away she got very upset and began crying and talking about mommy. I had made up these “prayer-card” like things to hand out (they were a bit nicer than your usual funeral parlor handouts - again, I’m obsessed with professionalism) and I happened to have one of them sitting on the passenger seat.   I reached over the seat and put that in her lap. She immediately stopped crying and proceeded to just look at the pictures on the card for 10-15 minutes till we got to the restaurant.

She is only 21 months….I know she doesn’t get it fully, but she gets it at some level…and for that I’m kinda sad. But at the same time, I’m relieved because even just 2 more years and the damage would be so much worse. If I had to lose my Misty to cancer…God could have picked much harder stories to go along with that.  But he didn’t….I still hold that he was good to us.

I miss my wife…but really I still have a huge peace about this whole thing still. I cry, but I’m far more joyful than discouraged. I’m far more happy than depressed.

Anyway, I so want to talk about my major questions to God…but not tonight.

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This week Olivia has been hanging out at Misty’s parents house because I’ve been so focused on getting things together for the service. Today was really the first time I got to be with just her.

We visited my parents, who still had some family around, and afterwards found ourselves at the brand-spanking-new mcdonalds playplace. This was pretty cool. They have touch screen video games on the tables and a huge 3 level area with a big slide. Olivia and I explored the different paths  for the first time and of course made our way to the top for the slide. I let her go down by herself (she is convinced that 21 months is big enough to do anything on her own), but I was a foot behind her the whole way using my sneakers up against the wall so I didn’t run her over. In her usual fashion, every time we hit the bottom she’d throw herself out of the tube saying “Again?!”. I obliged for a good 30 minutes before fighting the torrential downpour to just get into our car and head home.

I often reach into the backseat and hold her hand (or even her foot) when I am driving (i’m pretty ok with one hand, in spite of what they taught me in drivers ed). As we headed home from the playplace and I held her little hand, we had a conversation…here it is, word for word:

“Liv, I think you are  pretty”
“Yeah…Mommy thinks I’m pretty”
“Yes, she does…but it’s just you and me now kid”
“Yeah”
“I love you”
“Yeah”

She doesn’t fully grasp what she was saying “Yeah” to, but at some level she is getting it. She is starting to understand. I wish she didn’t have to.

Today was also the first time I had a chance to think about the feelings and questions that I have been having. That discussion is coming soon,  but I just wanted to say that my family is doing well. We have lots a questions for God…but we still choose to serve him. 

Thanks so much to the many of you who attended the service today. I was honored by the turn out and how many people traveled so far to make it. Really..that was so nice.

For those of you who couldn’t make it – I had it professionally taped and that will be available. I know many of you have misty close to your heart so we’d like to share it with you as well…even if its by video.

I’m gonna get some sleep.

I have been ridiculously busy getting things together for Misty’s service. It will be quite the event…I hope you can make it. Details are in the post below. I’ll be back in usual fashion next week to discuss so many things that are on my mind. Ah, so much to discuss. I hope you will continue to join me in our life discussions. There’s much more about Misty I’m anxious to share.

PS…Yes I believe that God has and can raise people from the dead. If he does, we will still see you on saturday, the service will just have slightly different content :)

PSS…Misty will be with us on saturday, but the casket will be closed. The viewing and Interment are both family only.

NOTE: I’ve gotten a few emails from people who felt that the memorial service was for close friends/family and felt like they shouldn’t come. That’s silly talk. And thanks for the wishes from the out-of-towners. I knew you all couldn’t be there…but your support over the months has been very meaningful.

Five years ago I married a beautiful, talented, caring girl who I had dated for eight years (yes we were high school sweethearts). I don’t think I have the mental stamina to articulate just how much she meant to me. She really changed my life in so many ways. As I was growing up she challenged me to be better in everything I did and she was my biggest encouragement each step of the way. When I played out at concerts (with the band), I could barely wait to find Misty in the crowd afterwards to find out how I sounded and see what songs I went off pitch. As I was cutting my teeth as a songwriter, she was always my first listener and harshest critic. In college I began to build websites and she was the one who actually taught this nerdy engineer how to work with color and aesthetics. After college, she was the first to review my sermon outlines for youth group, and keep me in check when I was out of line in just about any area of life. She taught me about love, friendship, compassion, art, faith and so many pieces of life.  I am who I am today, spiritually, emotionally and socially, because of my best friend of the past 13 years.

Tonight, I lost my encouragement, my companion, my critic and my lover. I lost the person in the world who is most dear to my heart. Misty peacefully fell asleep earlier tonight at 9:15pm. I can’t really say that I have this all figured out yet….because that is far from the truth. But I can say that the peace that I have had this week still lingers very real within my life. I’m not mad or angry. There is no one to be upset with. I cried a bit, but overall, I’m doing ok.

I’m still fasting but tonight my prayers turn towards those of you who have kids that have prayed for Misty. My heart breaks that they have to deal with hard spiritual issues like the fact that God doesn’t always heal…even when we really do have faith. And for those of you who have recently regained hope in God, please don’t give up. I can’t explain all the details, but He is still God, I’m sure of that. I still trust him even after going through such a let down…I hope you can still trust him as well. And for those of you who have loved my girl and prayed for her so fervently…I love you all and I pray that you will be renewed and encouraged tomorrow. That somehow God will give you peace that you don’t even understand in this midst of this. And of course, I’m praying for my family. I can’t say that it was the easiest thing for everyone to swallow. And as we move forward with a new chapter in life, our hearts will burn to have her with us. There is nothing to fully cure that pain. Lastly, I’m praying for Olivia. I don’t really need to explain that one I hope…this is heavy on my heart.

I want you to be comforted that Misty went from loving her life to being in a coma in only a few hours. God was good to her. There is much more about this that I really want you to hear, I have so many thoughts to express and emotions to explore.

So, like I said, I’m not really all that articulate tonight. It’s almost 3am and I haven’t slept much these past few nights. For now, I’m going to leave you with something that the Apostle Paul wrote in the book of 2 Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

-

UPDATE: Service Info

Please join for a celebration with Misty.  I look forward to celebrating with you all!
The service will be this Saturday (Sept 27th) at Calvary Lighthouse in Lakewood NJ. Click HERE for directions.

• Worship Celebration – 1:15pm (with the Chris Colletti Band)
• Memorial Service – 2:00pm (the interment will be family only, on a later date)

In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to one of the following:

• Hope Resource Group is Darren’s new non-profit organization that was birthed out of Misty’s illness. The first line of resources, Anthem of Hope, is created to instill faith and hope in those with serious illness. There are millions in this country who are debilitated from sickness and are losing hope. Please donate to help us provide them with an Anthem of Hope. Donate on the top/right of this page.  Alternatively, you can mail a check to

HOPE Resource Group
PO Box 4095
Long Branch, NJ
07740-5950  

• St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is internationally recognized for its pioneering work in finding cures and saving children with pediatric cancer. This was Misty’s favorite charity and she donated quite often. They deserve our support. Please visit   http://www.stjude.org to donate.

It’s time to change shifts for the nurses, so visiting hours gets suspended for a couple hours while they get settled. So it’s just me and Misty in here.

I look out her window and I can see a huge rooftop of another part of the building. It’s completely filled with stones from edge to edge. As an engineering major in college I had to take a class on estimating and I actually still use some of those tricks today (yes, I’m a nerd). So I did my back of the napkin calculation and estimated that the roof had about 6 million stones. There were so many of them. I would look at a specific stone, but when my eyes were taken away, I couldn’t find that single stone again. I didn’t intend for this to be dramatic at the time, but as I looked out I was just covered in this sense of peace. See, this rooftop has almost as many rocks as New Jersey has people. And if we had rocks for every person in this world, it would likely fill this small city’s limits. Yet, in this huge world, every person is individually and wholely loved and cared for by God. I can’t even find the same rock on this small roof, but somehow God knows how many hairs are on our heads.

I can’t tell you how many times it has been so clear to me that God has his hand on Misty. I believe he still does. I am going to continue to believe that as we go ahead and give Misty a test to see if her brain is at all alive. If not, she will be taken off life support.

I haven’t felt the need to say this up till now, but one thing Misty made us (me and claudia, her mom) promise was to keep praying even if she is declared legally dead. Misty knew that there were NO limits to Gods power. So tonight or tomorrow we will take this test and be happy with whatever the results. I imagine the results will be back tomorrow. If it shows that there are no signs of life in her brain, then we will pray fervently for the remaining hours till we have to bring her off the breathing machine.

God has plenty of time left. I can’t fully explain it, but I’m not worried a bit…just filled with peace and hope and trust in a God who has proven himself so many times.

UPDATE – test is today at 2pm, no idea how long it takes for results.

I know many of you are checking for an update: Misty is holding strong and we are still believing as we have been.

Nothing has really changed since yesterday. Her leg (where the clot is) is a bit warmer and her blood pressure took a dive last night but came right up with fluids. The morning has been peaceful. And Misty still looks so beautiful.

Still praying.

I was a little choked up earlier this morning, but now I’m overcome by peace again still holding to faith in God. If somehow I am wrong about how the Bible says its God’s will to heal, then you may not hear from me again before our woman of faith meets her maker. In the human realm, her brain is not really functioning much at all and if it stops completely, she is pronounced dead.

BUT,
I do still believe it is God’s will to heal my Misty on this earth and we are at her bedside calling on God.

Still just typing from my phone (computer is down) so sorry so short. More details later. I’m going back to praying now.

Don’t be discouraged, this is the opportunity for the greatest glory given to God…when there is no getting around that it was a miracle. And in the midst of this, there is peace here. One of the nurses pointed out how there is a certain “peace” in Misty’s room. Yeah, there is. Amen.