interment
Today I buried the love of my life.
I was ok, untill the very end of the ceremony when Olivia put her flower on the casket, blew a kiss and said “bye bye mommy”. She knew what was going on to some extent – when we first got there she immediately said “mommy?” when she saw the casket. She had said goodbye to her on saturday at a little viewing we had before the big service. And as we drove away she got very upset and began crying and talking about mommy. I had made up these “prayer-card” like things to hand out (they were a bit nicer than your usual funeral parlor handouts - again, I’m obsessed with professionalism) and I happened to have one of them sitting on the passenger seat. I reached over the seat and put that in her lap. She immediately stopped crying and proceeded to just look at the pictures on the card for 10-15 minutes till we got to the restaurant.
She is only 21 months….I know she doesn’t get it fully, but she gets it at some level…and for that I’m kinda sad. But at the same time, I’m relieved because even just 2 more years and the damage would be so much worse. If I had to lose my Misty to cancer…God could have picked much harder stories to go along with that. But he didn’t….I still hold that he was good to us.
I miss my wife…but really I still have a huge peace about this whole thing still. I cry, but I’m far more joyful than discouraged. I’m far more happy than depressed.
Anyway, I so want to talk about my major questions to God…but not tonight.
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Darren,
I am so sorry that you have to suffer this loss. But I do agree that if He had to take your precious Misty, for Olivia’s sake it might be better that she’s still young. I know that you will keep Misty spirit alive in her life. She will always know how much Mommy loved her. I am so comforted that you have such a sence of peace. You are an amazing man, and I know that you will continue to be an amazing father. Thinking of you and your entire family often.
Your “prayer-card type thing” is not the “type-thing” that once comes home from the service, thinking that was a celebration of one’s life, and then… toss the thing in the trash. NO, this is on my bulletin board where it will stay. I also have one in my purse that I can show to others. So they can put faces to the people I have told them about. Perfection… and beautiful…….
I think it’s wonderful that you involved Olivia…others would not. But you are right: if she were older, these memories would be with her forever, and you would have a lot more to deal with. Olivia will always have photos and memories of her mommy through you. Continue to be her rock, yet allow yourself to grieve, too.
Always praying!
Praying for comfort this morning. And God’s strength to endure.
Thinking of you and your precious Olivia! Thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.
Hey brother Darren .. this morning before I even turned on my PC .. I always try and pray first .. for my family and for who ever comes to mind at that time .. anyone or anything I forgot or just did not pray for I pray as the day goes by in my thoughts or in my meditations .. you and I am not just saying this come to my mind one of the first things when I wake .. and my prayer was today and will be for a very long time that our Lord Jesus with His ever lasting love.. grace and kindness will comfort you and Olivia everyday .. most people have to ask God daily as to what their calling is .. you on the other hand know what your’s is .. and there you will find that new comfort zone .. and that is to bring comfort to others .. and you do that well I might add .. I pray in the near future to hear very good things about you and your project AOH .. till I hear from you again my brother may God’s peace and joy over fill your cup .. my love and prayer are with you .. Jah Bless .. Tbone out
Hello Darren,
Sean and I wish to express our sincere condolences of the homecoming of Misty to be with our Lord and Savior. We are taught to not question God, there is a reason for everything that happens in our life. We learn and grow from all of our experiences. The blessing is the memories you will always have of your wife. When the sun is shining, take it to mean the warmth and depth of her love for you and Olivia. When raining, its her tears of joy that she is with God, and how beautiful and at peace she is. No more pain to endure. When the wind blows, its Misty caressing your face with kisses. Misty left you with one of Gods miracles, Olivia. Misty will alway be with you in spirit. In Jesus name. Amen.
Darren, God loves you. See that love in spite of what comes your way in the coming days, weeks, months, and even years. Just know that He loves you.
I love you Darren. I love you Livi. Thinking of you both and asking our Father to provide you with comfort. God tells us to ask and we shall receive. Ask Darren. God will answer all your thoughts and questions.
Your Sister in Christ,
Jisenia
Hello Darren, Already the story of Misty and God’s peace on you has been shared in my office. I brought in the prayer card from the service as well and have shown it to my coworkers. They have heard of the faith you have and the sincere love you shared with Misty, Olivia and your family. Thank you Darren, I will continue to go on your blog and join together with your amazing family, all of them, for strength and peace from on high. My family loves you very much and respects your stand for Jesus. Your tribute and Claudia’s tribute touched us and will never leave us. I will hold on to Misty’s words and use them often….”things” suck but life is a gift. Thank you. Love, Gail
Olivia is so precious. You continue to walk in the Spirit Darren and teach Olivia the same. The Holy Spirit is our comforter and He dwells within every believer. Your peace is on the inside! An awesome deposit from our loving Father…
I praise God that you have His JOY that is proving to be your strength. Stay pressed in to Him and let Him minister His love to you and your precious Olivia as you learn to walk this new path with her. You will both be blessed.
Poor baby girl. My Leah is so close in age to her and I keep imagining her processing all of that. It breaks my heart.
God knew what He was doing when He gace her a Daddy like you. Not too many men would have the courage, faith, and love that you do to raise her.
Your rock Darren.
Praying for you today Darren…
Chris
Hi Darren – Brad, Catie, me, our entire life group and church are praying for you in this tough time. We lift you and pray that you will continue with your wonderfully kind spirit and enjoy every minute with that beautiful little girl!
Thank you.
Praying for you and Olivia. We know what you are going through. Last night as Dave and I were going over the past 3 weeks, as you know they have been difficult, Misty’s words came to us with a little different meaning. Situations in life “suck”, but LIFE is a gift. We are holding on to that. Life does throw us lots of sucky situations, but each day the Lord gives us with our loved ones is truly a gift. Thanks you Mrs. Orr for sharing.
Love you Darren and Livi, Dave, Sandy, and kids
I too have many questions. I pray you help answer some of mine while you talk about yours. God Bless you and Miss Olivia.
……….Just simply praying!……….
Our family is lifting both you and Olivia up today…
In prayer for you guys as you continue on this journey
Darren,
I am 51 now. When I was 17 I tragically lost my sister, best friend at the time. I remember the day of her funeral (that’s what they used to call them) as if it were yesterday. It was so hard. Each day after because a little easier. I still miss her and wonder. This morning before I read you post, the Holy Spirit touched me saying we do need to look back so we can see all the grace he has poured out on us to move us forward living with him in his love. I pray that for you and even little Olivia today.
God bless you and thank you for keeping all of us a part of your family. Brenda
Sweet Darren,
I am left wondering why myself, but bigger than that I know that God is good ALL the time even when we don’t understand. You have stood in faith and many others with you and that is a faith that is rewarded. God knows all our hearts and ALL His plans are good ALL the time, even when we don’t understand it. God uses everything to His glory.
Olivia is blessed with a legacy of faith, a father who is a mighty warrior in God’s army and wow, what a future He has planned for both of you.
In those moment’s when it is tough, remember that you two are sitting in the palm of His hand and He loves His children Darren and Olivia.
Lifting you up and continuing to look forward with great anticipation for His amazing plan to unfold in your lives.
Love always, Debra
P.S. I don’t know if you listen to Jeremy Camp, but his story of faith is similar in that he, too, lost his sweet young wife to cancer. Be encouraged. Look at the amazing ways that God has used this in his life to bless, encourage and touch the lives of others for His glory.
Darren, I have a friend who was 6 (her sister 4 yrs old & an infant sister) when their mother passed away. looking at the three sisters, I tend to agree with you that the pain and healing would look much different even 2 years down the road.
God is good, in all things.
Everytime I hug Genevieve (17 months) I say a quiet prayer for Olivia. It is heart breaking to know that Olivia has lost her mom at such a young age, but I also know that God chose the perfect daddy for Olivia… to help her grieve, to love and protect her, and to provide many memories of her mama. We just keep praying for both of you.
Your faith, in the darkness, inspires so many.
We are still praying for you. I am so proud to have your banner on my site, with Misty’s name. Her story, a story of faith for the ages, should be heard! And prayers will not cease.
Darlene and family
This is hard for you Darren….especially seeing Olivia upset. You have shared so much with us and it means a lot to everyone. I am praying to our Lord that talking things through like this on your Blog will help you cope. We all listen and want to hear your thoughts and feelings. I have read so many beautiful things that people have said to you….we all care about you. I am so thankful to read that you are still keeping hope with God and loving Him. You are a true Man of God. You are a wonderful example to all of us!!!
As I read your blog today, I saw another special way God has/is taking care of you…the fact that Olivia can talk so well for a 20 month old. It allows you to converse with her and for her to express some feelings and thoughts. I guess this stuck out to me because my daughter didn’t begin talking (understandably) until after 2 years of age. I was trying to put myself in your shoes, with a child who wasn’t able to verbalize her thoughts and feelings at 20 months and realized how different it would be. We continue to pray for you and Olivia! May you continue to feel God’s incredible peace!
It takes s long time to adjust – you don’t get over it or forget you adjust. It is hard to believe the sun rises and still sets because your life is so changed, it is amazing that it still goes on. Rely on God to carry you through this time. You have a wonderful family surrounding you and little Olivia to bring you joy. Our thoughts and prayers are still with you and always will be. I keep returning to your sight, it is a wonderful tribute to your life with Misty. Ann
praying for you and olivia always!
I pray that God continues to bless your family and give you strength and peace.
I am praying for little Livi…she is heavy on my heart.
We are praying that God would uphold you and the baby
in every way. our prayer is that you would feel the covering of His presence.we are dedicated to suporting you in prayer.In His love your brother & sister.
I am praying for Olivia. My heart breaks for her…it is so sad. I know Misty will live on through her and that you will keep her memory alive for Olivia. Both of you will remain in my prayers. May God hold you up and keep you strong!
May God’s love fill you and Livi in these next few weeks as you are adjusting to life as it is now. Talking is good and Livi will be a blessing to you as you will also be to her. Your family network will definitely help dear Livi deal with the loss of Mommy and the issues that may come ahead.
God bless you and your dear family! Much love to you all!
Kristyna
It seems as though God has given you a peace that many people reach out for everyday. I do not understand it all myself. I thank God for His grace that is upon you and your family. The trust, love, and faith in God that you and Misty have deminstrated in the last several months alone has opened my eyes to something so REAL. I cannot thank you enough for your steadfast example. Your lives have proven that Christianity is not another religion. Christianity is a lifestyle!!!
Crying and praying.
I continue my prayers for you and your family. Our church, St. Paul’s in Brick prayed for all of you Sunday Morning. So many people, that you have never met and will probably not until we are united in heaven, have prayed and made your pain, theirs. You are so blessed and Olivia will always feel so secure knowing from those that love her that her Mommy thought she was pretty and loved her heart and soul. She will blossom into some day a beautiful young lady,blessed for having the parents that she did. Stay focused on the cross.
darren. my heart goes out to olivia. i too have lost my mother to cancer as a young girl, and i feel as if she gets it more than i did at age 11. if you ever want to chat …in a couple months or whatever… let me know. i dont know if it would help to … give you a window into some of the emotions olivia may have over the years that she may not even realize… some sad, and some wondrous. anyway, i am praying for you guys still. my astronomy class has been praying for you all since august. God has you right where He wants you, and He’s grieving alongside you but also doing a great work. psalm 73 says, my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. i feel so sad right now. just because i can relate. but it’s not a hopeless sadness. God is so good. i don’t get it sometimes, but He totally is.
praying.
Darren, I didn’t get to read this until today, I couldn’t get on my computer. My heart breaks for you and Olivia. I am glad to hear you are holding up well, and I agree, Olivia older would have had a much harder time. However, it’s still heartbreaking. My daughter is just over a year, and I cannot imagine having to explain to her if something happened to her father. God bless you and it is so apparent that you are a wonderful father. Much love and many prayers to you guys…Off to read the next update…
I’m assuming you have already found Matt Logelin, if not – his blog my lift your spirits some… or provide some comfort.
http://www.mattlogelin.com
He lost his wife when she gave birth to their daughter, Madeline, she’s now 6 months old.
My father died of cancer when I was 21 – God wasn’t there, at least it didn’t feel like he was. Nothing like death to have you questioning everything. I’ll be reading to see how you sort it all out. I’m sending you all of the positive energy I can muster.
I read this entry and wept. I have not cried like this since following a coworker/friends trials losing her husband to a rare pancreatic cancer that is never found in adults. It is challenging to cope with loss on our own, but to ease heartaches of our children, that is an even greater struggle. It is difficult to be THE Rock. I hope you have those opportunities to be strengthened by others. God Bless and Comfort you!