i’m thankful for cancer
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m thankful for so many things. I really have been so blessed through my whole life. But I’m going to forgo the laundry list and tell you something that has been on my mind since before Misty died. It’s not an easy thing to say and it’s even harder to really explain. It’s not a passing thought, but a strong conviction…one that no logic or human reasoning could possibly undermine. It’s a confidence in the faithfulness and enduring love of God. But more than a confidence really, it’s a thankfulness. Yes, I’m thankful for many things…but today one stands out.
My wife Misty died of brain cancer. This is the first Christmas I won’t be buying a gift for her in 13 years. Last week was the first time I picked a christmas tree from the tree farm without Misty. This December brings the second birthday for our daughter Olivia, but her first without a mommy. This past Sunday marked 2 months of sleeping alone at night…and two months of every night wishing that I had just a few minutes to talk with my best friend…
All of this because of Cancer. Cancer took the life of my 27 year old wife.
But today, I’m not angry.
I’m not at all bitter.
Today, I’m thankful.
I’m thankful for cancer.
I’m thankful for her cancer. It was because of her sickness that I learned to trust God. I have grown up with an understanding of the traditions, practices and principles of Christianity, but it was this time that really taught me to trust in God. I was taken to the depths where I trusted God intimately and circumstances (no matter how bad they got) did not shake that. I believe that God was very good to me through that time. I think he was also good to my family and many of you. I can’t tell you how many emails and letters I have saying that Misty’s faith has radically changed people’s lives. This is wildly encouraging to me. Seeing that there is a purpose and reason for the pain, makes the enduring so much easier. But why should I trust God? He could have saved my wife, but he didn’t…
Well, I’m convinced that even in the midst of her dying, God was good…not only to us…but also to her.
1) It was Thursday Sept 18th and Misty woke up to a playful Olivia. Misty was with it and played with her daughter and ate breakfast. She had trouble communicating, but even on that last day at home…she knew what was going on and had good relationship with her daughter. Misty had a seizure that morning at around 10am. This put us in the hospital. It was just over 20 hours later that her brain stopped working completely. So, with one of the most devastating diseases a human can have, Misty was given a very graceful departure. Just 1 day in the hospital before her brain stopped. I have friends who will tell you stories of their brain cancer patients….the end isn’t ever quite that graceful. Mist’s departure was painless and quite unlike many brain cancer stories I know.
2) Additionally, it was the very beginning of July that Misty’s MRI showed such bad tumor progression that no one expected her to survive the month. In fact, many patients with tumors less progressed than Misty’s passed away well before she did. For some reason, we were given almost 3 months to spend together as a family. We toured the state of NJ doing everything and anything. I am so grateful for those 3 months home from work to spend with my wife and daughter.
3) Lastly, I believe that God took Misty to a place where she was so intimately trusting in him, that she did not fear death. She was taken to a point of faith that most of us may never achieve. That was a gift to her. How great to be able to be at that place. After being there, I’m not sure she would want to come back to a “normal” life again. I thank God for the gift of faith he gave misty.
Cancer was the trial that God used to perfect our faith…to make us “mature and complete” spiritually. So yes, I’m thankful for cancer.
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
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Hey brother that was Beautifully put and said .. and yes you brought happy tears to my eyes and in the midst of my own battles, trials and tribulations i will learn to find joy and also give our Father in heaven thanks for it all .. have a Happy Thanksgiving with you loved ones and God bless .. Tbone out
Hey brother that was Beautifully put and said .. and yes you brought happy tears to my eyes and in the midst of my own battles, trials and tribulations i will learn to find joy and also give our Father in heaven thanks for it all .. have a Happy Thanksgiving with you loved ones and God bless .. Tbone out
sorry .. double clicked .. lol
Darren you are a remarkable and amazing young man. Yes I agree with you, you and Misty through this website have taught us all so much about faith and trust in our God. You truly live the scriptures – you bring God’s Word alive when you share these beautiful moments of your life.
I start off each morning with my music and then read your website before I begin my prayers. As I woke up this morning I commited my time this morning to just praising and thanking God for all the blessings in my life. So I am going to start out by thanking God for you, Misty, and Olivia. I am thankful that God sent you to Calvary Lighthouse so that we could be a part of your journey of faith and a part of your lives.
Be blessed today and always.
Just read, meditated on and taught on that verse to a few young ladies. It challenges us to the core. You passed the test in this battle. I passes the test in the battle I had many years ago. What I have had to realize is that one battle strengthens you for the next. But IT doesn’t carry you. We again, have to exercise faith in our new place. Because He is alive, we have Him… not a method..He carries us through.
Darren –
I love what you wrote. I can relate in so many ways. In 2006 we lost my stepmom to a long battle with cancer, and as it was – hers was not a graceful ending. I stood with my dad, and her sisters while she took her last breaths. It was a long, painful battle for her. She was a brave Christian woman, and witnessed to many during the 10 months (died 10 months after diagnosis) before her death. My father(s) and I were more close then the time drawing near her death. This is both my worldly father, and my heavenly father. She was my stepmom for 13 years, they married just after I graduated from highschool, and during adulthood we had our differences… but of all things, cancer drew us closer.
Then, just over 1 year later, my brother died. He was 39 years old, in seemingly perfect health. And a fire ant bite took his lfe. He’d had a few episodes of anaphalaxis that began 1 year and 5 days prior to his death. He and I were the best of friends as well as siblings, we talked almost daily. I also have anaphalaxis, and he and I talked about that alot. I received a phonecall from him the morning of my birthday, we joked about what he got me (nothing) and he told me that he was sending me alot of what he got me last year, but it was the thought that counted… we never really put alot of weight in monetary gifts, it was more about our relationship and time together. The next day my brother died. He leaves behind a 15 year old and a 10 year old.
…and much like you, I’m thankful. I can’t really say I’m thankful for anaphalaxis (yet) – there are many days I still feel cheated… but mostly I feel my neice and nephew were cheated. I’m thankful that my brother didn’t go into anaphalactic shock while driving his kids around… Everything does happen for a reason, and those reasons I may never learn while here on earth… However, the memory of both my stepmom and brother are absolutely pure. Wonderful memories, great relationship with both of them, they left an impression on EVERYONE who met them. Their legacy lives on in others, the way they dealt with the ups and downs in life was amazing, they are both living on with their heavenly father, and they’re both 100% healed…. and THAT I am thankful for.
Darren what a way to look at life- I will have to take your advice with the diagnosis given to my mother. It has made me rely on God so very much. Have a very happy thanksgiving!
Darren this is beautiful. Your words are just so calming and comforting. I am thankful that you take the time to share with us your story. I am thankful to know you and Olivia, and thankful to have known Misty and her precious life that God gave to her. And I am so thankful for God and His love and grace and peace that He gives to us. I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving creating new memories!
Thank you for the reminder that God’s goodness goes so much deeper than a meal or a day or a time of year. Your heart is an inspiration.
One of the many things I am thankful for today is you, Darren. Your love for your wife and your daughter, your love and faithfulness to God , your honesty and transparency in your blog everyday and the beautiful way you put your thoughts and feelings on”paper” everyday. Thank you Darren you are an example of Jesus to us all.
Simply amazing. What a faithful man you are. Your post brought tears to my eyes. You are a shining example to other Christians (and non-Christians, alike!) of the value of being faithful and perseverent in your trust of God in the midst of turmoil.
Thank you for sharing the deepest thoughts and feelings of your heart daily on your blog. I appreciate it immensely.
Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends, all the way from Alberta, Canada!
Darren, you made my day. Your story is amazing. God IS faithful in all things. He is worthy of all Glory. And your testimony truly inspires others. Thank you for seeking God, for having a heart to serve the Lord, even through a blog you share with complete strangers. What a ministry!
Blessings to you and Olivia, and all the fam.
Heather
Dear Darren,
I’ve been a follower of your story for several months, and I’ve left comments before today, too. I wanted to respond to you today because what you wrote is something I’ve felt in my own life so many times before. My son has autism, and when he was diagnosed over 3.5 years ago, our lives changed forever. So many times, more than I can count, I’ve thought about why autism happened to our family. I truly believe that God brought autism into our lives because my husband and I had more learning to do. We needed to see things from another perspective, and we needed to learn how to appreciate things in a different way. I hate autism. I wish my son didn’t have it, but I also know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. One way that I can cope is to remember that my son knows no other life. He is a happy, healthy, beautiful boy. I need to remember that. I recently had a piece of jewelry made that has Phillipians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say Rejoice.” I had the names of my children and my husband along with mine put on it, too. It reminds me that no matter what, we need to thank the Lord, love the Lord, and Rejoice for all of the blessing we’re given each day. We shouldn’t question him – but know that his plan is perfect and beautiful. Thank you, Darren, for your honesty and for sharing your story.
Darren, this was so encouraging for me to read today, you have no idea. I’ve really been needing to hear about God’s purpose and hope lately, and how trials are actually a good thing- in the long run. Today’s post was a breath of fresh air for me. Thank you.
-Jill
Thank-you for sharing God’s grace and love so beautifully.
Blessings to you and Olivia.
Darren,
That was simply beautiful.
Your faith, and Misty’s faith, and her story – your family’s story – continue to strengthen my faith as well.
Thankful for Misty,
Darlene
God bless you brother Darren. As you said there are so many things to be grateful for and I am… especially for you and Olivia and Misty. I have seen the gentleness of Jesus in you, the love of Almighty God between you and Misty and Olivia and your honesty in being human. I don’t KNOW you personally but I “know” you by the giftedness of your writing, letting us all look into your soul and to go through this journey with you, which so encorages us and also helps us to look into our own souls. I know I want to have that constant and sure confidence in the Lord and to have His peace but I confess I do struggle and am plagued with doubts many times. I cried when I read your post tonight…the beauty of God’s love so radiates from you through this blog that I can’t help but sense that God wants all of us to come to that place of rest even in the midst of trials. Thank you so much for your faithfulness to us in the midst of your pain, your joy, your tiredness, your work and your devtion to your sweet and precious daughter. So my dear brother we (and I am taking a liberty here believing that all those who read this blog agree with me on this)give God much praise and thanks for Misty’s life, your love for each other and your perserverance through this trial of your faith. We lift you up to Almighty God for Him to give you the grace and strength you need to face each new day; to give you wisdom and discernment for every decision you have to make; to give you laughter to balance the tears; and to continue to teach us in the ways of God’s love and to study His Holy Word. Thank you Darren, God bless and keep you and Olivia now and always.
With heartfelt love and gratitude in Christ, Bernadette
You are such an inspiration. Your words are straight from your heart and pull on the strings of many others. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing some of your most intimate thoughts and feelings with all of us who read. I pray you had an awesome Thanksgiving day – and I know it is possible – since your trust and faith is in God. It is absolutely heartbreaking what cancer does – it is evil. In contrast, it is beautiful what God does in the midst of the evil. His grace is amazing and nothing can match His love. You are blessed Darren – and Olivia is too – she couldn’t ask for a better dad. Keep the faith!
I found you through Divine Caroline… and I’m stunned. You are an incredible human being and man.
I hope you’re surrounded by amazing support right now. Thank you for the inspiration.
I have never even talked to you or met you , I came across your blog looking at a friends blog. I read it everyday. I am very young (15) and my best friends mom died of a brain tumor a little over 6 months ago, she was 47.Keep blogging! It is such an inspiration you seem like such a strong individual! I just want to say thank you for your blog!
Wow Darren. That was so beautiful .
Thank you Darren for a beautiful devotion today of your love for God and Misty and for sharing how it is you can be Thankful for cancer. I am speechless.
Lavenia
Your post reminds me of a wonderful book I have read about 10 times “A Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanauken. He lost his wife when she was in her mid 30’s, in the late 1950’s; although they had no children. His reaction to the loss was similar to yours, their lives were a beautiful testimony to life, love, and our Lord. May God Bless you and your daughter.
Reckoning. Praise God.
beautiful
I’ve always sort of had this belief that God takes me places on the Internet for a reason….
As I sit down to cuddle with my baby as he falls asleep….
Accidentally (or not) click on two blogs and end up here….first being my friend’s….second being an adoption blog….then here….
And read,
” Cancer was the trial that God used to perfect our faith…to make us “mature and complete” spiritually. So yes, I’m thankful for cancer. ”
Got me thinking….
I’m still growing in my understanding of my faith….cancer….life….
I grew up without a father because of cancer.
We recently saved my toddler son from brain cancer.
I’m sorry for your loss. Your daughter’s loss.
God bless you.
Darren,
I came to your blog from another blog and quite honestly it couldn’t of come at a better time. One month ago today I lost my very best friend, My Mom. She was diagnosed with cancer only 7 weeks prior to that. She was in an excrutiating amount of pain and then she was blessed with a horrible infection that put her into a deep coma and ended her life 4 days later. While the infection was a shock and a complete nightmare at the time, I now as of today, after reading your blog, can see this infection as a blessing. My mom couldn’t fight the pain anymore and the pain was to much for her to bare. It was God’s gentle and kind way of letting her go peacefully without the pain she once became used to.
While I miss her dearly, I am an only child and my dad is gone as well. I am thankful for the Grace of God that took my mom, she is no longer suffering. Your blog post has helped me to see that, it has helped me to see that my mom is free and finally at peace which is a blessing!
Thanks!
i thought that was where you were going with it…. and im glad. you family is Beautiful. Keep up the gerat work daddy. New to your blog and am already addicted