dating
I miss my wife. Yes, I still call her my wife. I still wear my ring. I don’t know….in some ways, everything has changed, but in others…not much has. That could easily be a corny line in any stupid story, but really, it feels like that sometimes. I still miss her like I did the first day she was gone. In that way, nothing has changed over these 5 months. I don’t have any desire to be with anyone, nor do I suspect that will change in the very near future.
I often get asked about dating, so I decided to just come out and talk about it. When Misty died, I knew that someday there might be a chance that I would marry again. I thought however, that it was wise for me to set some boundaries so that no matter what emotional state I may be in, I don’t make poor choices in trying to fill the hole from Misty, with someone else. I decided early on that I would wait at least a year before even considering if I would date again. I think too often we let bad emotional times in our life dictate our relationships. This is so destructive.
PS. this all came from a discussion I had tonight. A friend that I respect very much exhorted me that sometimes my friendliness is perceived as flirting. I appreciate good friends to keep me in check! And at his request, I’m letting you know that if I give you a hug and compliment your hair, I’m just being friendly :)
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That is probably a very wise decision. I think you are absolutely correct. I guess that’s one reason there was the traditional “year of mourning” in the past. I’m guessing it pretty much takes that long to even get to a starting point. “Dating”…tricky waters to navigate under any circumstances, and now of course you will be considering your daughter’s well being in all your decisions as well.
Hey Darren,
I think your decision about dating is very wise, and I love that you clarified that your friendliness is nothing more than friendliness. It can so easily be misconstrued, especially if a woman is longing for something more. Thank you for your honesty and example- God will honor and bless that. I still pray for you, Olivia, and your family often. God has amazing plans for you :o)
You had a Wife who was one in a million. Special to you, her family, and to many others (in person and on web). You now have a beautiful Daughter to keep you company for now. You also have many friends who would love to help you and Livi. I know God will lead you down the path one day at a time. I just thought of Paul McCartney who lost his beloved Linda, married a horrible person, and now has the blessings of his Daughter for a new special person.
After losing both of my parents, people told me on a few occasions to not make any big decisions for a year. I’ve also heard this advice for those in recovery from addiction.
Take your time, God surely has a plan for each of us.
As for vulnerable women taking friendly cues as flirtation or something more, I’m certainly guilty of that. It’s really difficult to discern the two sometimes, especially for those of us in church settings where interactions with men are not usually the same as in a setting like a bar or a club. Normally the cues/’kind words’ in bars/clubs/tv/movies/music mean something entirely different with a different agenda altogether. The kinds words offered in a church setting may tend to be more brotherly or fatherly with no agenda but just to be kind and friendly.. having learned what those comments often mean from unhealthy settings pose a hallenge for us to relearn. I think this goes for both women and men.
Above all of this, God offers kind comments to us, all over His word to love us and mush on us,just as He made us.. and to make us more like His son. That’s where we can relearn!
So my hair really doesn’t look good?
hahaha – only you chris.
Wow. I think..and its only a thought. The lady that you said that to may have really needed to here that. Nothing wrong with sharing some love. You are only living this life once…im sure you know!
You are wonderful just the way you are – don’t ever change :) You have a way of making life more beautiful :):)
Your friendliness is what I love about…. always have!
I think you are amazing for being so open. Honestly though, I think it is such a personal thing between you and God . It is entirely up to you to discuss it, but people should not ask. I am sure when or IF the time comes you will let people know :)
I am often amazed at what people feel is okay to ask. We often get asked if we are “done” with our family. I always wonder why people ask this. It is so personal and really for God to decide.
Love you Darren. your hair always looks good. :)
Compliments are wonderful – friendship is beautiful.
Stay sweet – for lack of better words…
You are smart to wait – God will fill the void – and Olivia is the overflow!!! You are truly blessed.
I know everyone has these sweet replies…but I couldn’t help but side with your “friend”…although I’m pretty sure we’ve had this discussion before. Personally, I think you should wait until Livi falls in love with a girl first, then you’re allowed to date her! :-)
To your own self be true and to God be ever faithful. If you can do that then the rest falls into line.