Darren LeBlanc

I went to the doctor today. She opened my mouth and said “whoa…somebodies infected”. Nice. Gotta love that reaction…

So I did the regular routine and picked up my 5 day supply of drugs (why does it take 30 minutes to fill a perscription that is already prepackaged per treatment…its not like you have to count the pills or anything!! ) and I headed home. Now, I only started getting sick yesterday…maybe the day before, and I was there at the doctor’s, first thing this morning. Many of us do this. If we know we are really getting sick, we go to the doctor and get drugs. If we break a bone, we have it set and put in a cast. If our eyes start to go, we see an eye doctor and get some glasses.  We even go to see the doctor some times for a checkup, just to make sure we are on track.We take care of our physical health.

But what about our emotional health, or our mental health. Why is that different. Why do we look down on people that see doctors in that field? This has long been a source of frustration for me. So this week (prior to todays doctors visit) I decided that I was going to buck the trend myself and go in for a checkup: A checkup on my mental health. I have been through a fairly traumatic experience recently and it would be foolish of me to think that I am “above” being affected by it.

So I saw a licensed counselor…and it was great.  I came away feeling validated in my grieving process (i.e. I feel like I’m normal, and healthy) and overall was given a sense that my mental health is in good shape (if it weren’t I’d gladly go back regularly till it were).  Additionally, there were things we talked about that were kinda enlightening. He helped me in a couple areas of feelings that I didn’t fully understand. Now, I’ve always been a pretty ”self-aware” guy. There isn’t much that goes on in my head that I haven’t analyzed and fully understand. And the visit was still quite beneficial for me.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell the world that you shouldn’t be ashamed of seeing a professional counselor, whether personally or for your marraige. Mental health is as important as physical health. You should only be ashamed if you need to go, but don’t.

I have gotten a few questions as to why I’m not on staff at Calvary Lighthouse any more. Also, I get questions on where I’m going to church now, etc. These are questions and I suspect, may have been a source of confusion for one or two of you. So, lets explain:

As you know, I have been working like a dog on Anthem of Hope. It is very time consuming. There hasn’t been a week that I put in less than 30 hours in quite some time (and there are 13 of us working on this at some level each week). Of course I also have a full time job, and I keep mandatory daddy/daughter time each night when I’m home from work. So basically, I’m up very late each night after she gets to bed. This schedule leaves no time for being employeed anymore at a church. I stepped down a few months ago from my position at Calvary. There were absolutely no hard feelings. I want to make that clear because anytime someone leaves a church there are always rumors. Upon stepping down I decided it would be nice to visit the churches within driving distance that prayed dilligently for Misty. On off weeks from doing that, we (me and Livi) visit one of my local churches (that’s why many of you local folks see us popping in every once in a while).  Not sure where we will settle down, but for now, that is the plan.

Anyway, this weekend was wildly productive for Anthem of Hope. We had a casting call yesterday for a series of videos we are doing for Anthem of Hope. That went perfect. Then today we had a voice talent in the studio to record readings of one of the sections of our scripture disc (The Encouragement Disc).  

PS…my friend Jana Bova is in the hospital ready to have a baby. I’m praying for her tonight.

Ok, so it has been a long week. I can’t even tell you how much is going on in Anthem of Hope world. Tomorrow is our casting call for a video ad compaign we are doing. We have like 30 actors coming in to audition. Should be good.

Also, I got a call from the video editor and it looks like the video from Misty’s service will be done this coming week. I’ll need a bit of time to get it onto a DVD and have them printed, but it is coming very soon.

Speaking of Misty….I did talk about her today with Olivia. We talk about her often, usually Olivia says something. Today she saw her picture on the wall and said, “Mommy’s in heaven?” to which I of course reply, “yes honey, she is.” This was followed by her blowing of a kiss to the sky “I blow mommy a kiss”.

She is speaking pretty well, but doesn’t quite have the grammer thing down yet. Today was comical:

I often let her climb out of her carseat when we are parked at home. She comes and sits on my lap so that she can draw on the windows. The condensation makes for a good marker board. Well, today she noticed that the windows were ready for her artwork and she said: “it do got sation on it” meaning “it does have condensation on it”. This is important because sometimes we can’t partake of this ritual due to the lack of said “sation” on the windows.

Another funny thing is that she can’t quite get the “sp” sound out right. If usually comes out as an “f”. Now, I recently bought a large white board for my living room (i know i know…but we have Anthem of Hope meetings many nights after my girl goes to bed and I need a white board!) and we often draw on it. Well tonight I wrote “L-I-V-I” on the board. She walks over and says “L I V I – that fells my name”. Despite being happy that she finally recognized the letters without coaching, I was sent into an roar because of how cute she was talking about “felling” her name. I am so in love with this kid….I adore her so.

 Anyway, I need to get to bed. Tomorrow should be fun.

A few days back I got a couple thought provoking questions in response to my post on God being quiet. 

1. How can we not hear from him, we have his written Word.
2. Do you think that God sometimes keeps silent because he wants you to make the decision and trust him for the outcome.

So, for #1..
Yes, we have God’s word, the Bible. And in theory, the Bible is a speaking everyday, we just need to read it. In my life, however, there are periods of time that I have experienced less through reading than I have at other times.  It is in those times that we feel our prayers aren’t even being listened to and that we being to doubt things that may have been second nature only days before. Philip Yancey writes ” Any relationship involves times of closeness and times of distance, and in a relationship with God, no matter how intimate, the pendulum will swing from one side to the other.” And in that time of quiet and apparent distance to God, we have room, increased room, for growth. God uses these quiet hours to mature and perfect us in many ways. I love how A.W. Tozer calls this the “ministry of the night” denoting that in that dark time, there is yet a work being done.

And for #2…
Absolutely. This is of course my opinion, but  my understanding of God’s character (how minimal that understanding may be) does lead me to expect he very well might seem to be “quiet” in a time that he wants us to trust him. For me, there was a period of time that Misty and I did not fully trust God with her life…in those times, he was so quiet. It was painful to begin to doubt everything you once believed. But it was coming out of that time and begining to finally trust him that we experienced growth beyond what we’d have imagined. It took Misty to a place where she could look death in the face and smirk while just sking her head agreeing that God is in control.

I have written about my friend Joel Parker…he has been in the hospital for what is now 2 full years after some complications from a surgery. Today he is being moved to a rehab. I hope you can pray with me for him and for his kids, Ryan and Lyss. This move has been tried a few times in the past, but each time he ends up back in the hospital in a very short period of time. This whole ordeal just breaks my heart…

I’m hoping for a better outcome this time.