Archive for November, 2009
I just read my post from a year ago: from Thanksgiving 2008.
Read it here
Thankful for Cancer
I’m still thankful today for what God has done in the hearts of the people closest to me. We know him in a different – much more real - way. There is a huge tension though as I consider the pain and loss that someone I loved so greatly experienced. It doesn’t seem fair.
There are still so many things that don’t seem fair. While God is blessing me more than I can explain each day, he also rips my heart out on a regular basis. Whether its death of someone I love, stage IV cancer diagnosis for a coworker, major financial struggles for a good friend or the loss of faith in someone I’ve invested so much in trying to encourage…and that’s just this month.
It’s normal for us to feel like questioning God on some of the difficulties we end up walking through. Job did right? He found himself questioning God as he approached the lowest time in his life. Now, to be fair…we all would probably do the same thing if we lost our family, wealth and health. But I love God’s response to him: “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?’ – Wow. For me that’s quite humbling. It brings me right back to the place where I say:
God, no matter what you ask me to walk through, I will praise you. I will be thankful for the provision and blessing in my life, regardless of the trials you let me endure. The joy I have is from you and I am so thankful.
Job 38:1-7 (NLT)
1 Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:
2 “Who is this that questions my wisdom
with such ignorant words?
3 Brace yourself like a man,
because I have some questions for you,
and you must answer them.
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell me, if you know so much.
5 Who determined its dimensions
and stretched out the surveying line?
6 What supports its foundations,
and who laid its cornerstone
7 as the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?
Liv and I spent a few hours this afternoon wandering the acres of land at Conover’s Tree Farm in Netpune. We did finally decide on one…and here she is :)
PS…no, we didn’t bring it home. We wait till Dec, then go back and chop it down.
I have some big news. A number of weeks ago, when I wasn’t expecting it at all, God made a drastic change in my heart. Literally overnight, I went from a place where I could not even imagine myself dating again to a place where my heart felt free to love and remember Misty, but also begin to dream about loving someone else. There was no explanation for how quick this happened. I met again with my counselor again to bounce my feelings off him to make sure I wasn’t crazy. This whole idea wasn’t easy for me to accept at first. After a while though, it seemed so apparent that God, in his timing, had done something uncanny in my heart.
Fast forward to today and through an incredible series of events and revelations, I am dating someone. She and I are committed to loving God, to setting an example of a Godly dating relationship and to honoring Misty and Misty’s legacy as Olivia’s mom. The story of how Kristin and I have begun dating is proving to be fairly incredible. Not more than a few days have passed without my eyes welling up and my heart crying to God in humility. God’s hand in my life is overwhelmingly apparent. Maybe someday over lunch I’ll get to share it with you :)
Anyway, I’m doing well. I wouldn’t have seen this coming…but I’m really happy. I mean, I will never be totally free from the sting of losing someone I loved so dearly, or even worse, the sting of remembering what she went through. But God has changed my heart to be able to love again and the person he has brought into my life right now is incredible. For that, I’m so thankful.