Darren LeBlanc

I just read my post from a year ago: from Thanksgiving 2008.

Read it here
Thankful for Cancer

I’m still thankful today for what God has done in the hearts of the people closest to me. We know him in a different – much more real - way.  There is a huge tension though as I consider the pain and loss that someone I loved so greatly experienced. It doesn’t seem fair.

There are still so many things that don’t seem fair. While God is blessing me more than I can explain each day, he also rips my heart out on a regular basis. Whether its death of someone I love, stage IV cancer diagnosis for a coworker, major financial struggles for a good friend or the loss of faith in someone I’ve invested so much in trying to encourage…and that’s just this month.

It’s normal for us to feel like questioning God on some of the difficulties we end up walking through. Job did right? He found himself questioning God as he approached the lowest time in his life. Now, to be fair…we all would probably do the same thing if we lost our family, wealth and health. But I love God’s response to him: “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?’ – Wow. For me that’s quite humbling. It brings me right back to the place where I say:

God, no matter what you ask me to walk through, I will praise you. I will be thankful for the provision and blessing in my life, regardless of the trials you let me endure. The joy I have is from you and I am so thankful.

Job 38:1-7 (NLT)

¹ Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind:

 ² “Who is this that questions my wisdom
      with such ignorant words?
 ³ Brace yourself like a man,
      because I have some questions for you,
      and you must answer them.

 ⁴ “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
      Tell me, if you know so much.
 ⁵ Who determined its dimensions
      and stretched out the surveying line?
 ⁶ What supports its foundations,
      and who laid its cornerstone
 ⁷ as the morning stars sang together
      and all the angels^[a] shouted for joy?

It’s been way too long since I have updated everyone. Check out the AOH website for a quick status update.

http://anthemofhope.com

Liv and I spent a few hours this afternoon wandering the acres of land at Conover’s Tree Farm in Netpune. We did finally decide on one…and here she is :)

PS…no, we didn’t bring it home. We wait till Dec, then go back and chop it down.

I have some big news. A number of weeks ago, when I wasn’t expecting it at all, God made a drastic change in my heart. Literally overnight, I went from a place where I could not even imagine myself dating again to a place where my heart felt free to love and remember Misty, but also begin to dream about loving someone else. There was no explanation for how quick this happened. I met again with my counselor again to bounce my feelings off him to make sure I wasn’t crazy. This whole idea wasn’t easy for me to accept at first. After a while though, it seemed so apparent that God, in his timing, had done something uncanny in my heart.

Fast forward to today and through an incredible series of events and revelations, I am dating someone. She and I are committed to loving God, to setting an example of a Godly dating relationship and to honoring Misty and Misty’s legacy as Olivia’s mom. The story of how Kristin and I have begun dating is proving to be fairly incredible. Not more than a few days have passed without my eyes welling up and my heart crying to God in humility. God’s hand in my life is overwhelmingly apparent. Maybe someday over lunch I’ll get to share it with you :)

Anyway, I’m doing well. I wouldn’t have seen this coming…but I’m really happy. I mean, I will never be totally free from the sting of losing someone I loved so dearly, or even worse, the sting of remembering what she went through. But God has changed my heart to be able to love again and the person he has brought into my life right now is incredible. For that, I’m so thankful.

If you have ever worked with me you know that I am a big fan of professionalism in a  product or an event. In college I was in charge of running all the big concerts (like Switchfoot, etc) and I was kinda obsessed with having everything planned out and looking professional. I would invest so much energy into creating a professional image. I remember spending over an hour on signs that were only for the band to know where the bathrooms were..I mean, seriously!!

I’m kinda in my element though this week. I have the privilege of spending the week at Harvard Business School for an executive leadership course.  When I arrive on campus, the guard knew who I was and gave me clear directions. A short drive through the campus and I’m met by a group of porters who take my luggage and escort me to registration…then to my room. In my room I find a personalized messenger bad with the Harvard Business School  Executive Education logo and all of my course materials neatly inside. Then to the classroom where all the seats have name tags and logo printed usb thumb drives. This was just the beginning, but needless to say I’m feeling comfortable here :)

Anyway, I’m away for the week…surrounded by 96 other leaders from 36 countries around the world. So for 6 days we are in sessions or meals together from 7:30am till late in the evening when I collapse in my room and try to prepare for the next day by reading all the case studies and such.  So if I ignore your email this week, I’m sorry :) Be back soon.

For years reading the Bible was boring. I’d do it as an act of committment…and that committment was severely lacking for much of my life. It was hard to see the point when it seemed like so much of it was difficult to understand.

I’m really thrilled with how incredible my time in the Bible is at this stage in my life. I read most every day and its not a chore, but something I look forward to. I don’t say this to boast because if you know me closely, you know my life is lacking in many areas just as most of us are…I am simply trying to pass on some insight that has been helpful to me. Really, I am nobody…just excited that there are a few great tools to make reading the Bible a whole lot easier and subsequently, making getting to know God’s character much more within reach.

For me, I need a good Bible. New Living Translation (NLT) is probably the best translation on the block, though a few others are good. NLT is readable and quite accurate. I definitely need a study Bible….a good collection of notes on the text being read. The reason for this is pretty simple. I am not a university trained Bible scholar. I’m just a guy who has grown to love God and wants to live that way. So at times, there are aspects of the Bible that I may not understand. And when I say “at times”, I mean most every time I read. Study Bibles can really help bring light to the questions we have….or help guide us if we misinterpret something.

For instance: today I was reading 1 Corinthians 7:1 “it is good for a man not to touch a woman”. Well, this is actually a Jewish euphemism for sexual intercourse. This is a classic example of something that is stated one way, but understanding the history and original language can reveal the actual meaning with more clarity. I generally read a section of the chapter then go back and read the notes to see what someone else thought. The notes aren’t a replacement by any stretch, but can enhance our understanding.

So…If I were buying a Bible for the first time, there are only two Bibles that I know of on the market right now that I would select from:

MacArthur Study Bible (New King James) – Incredible collection of notes, probably the best out there that I have seen. Book introductions are incredible and help with understanding why the book was written. New King James version is a great translation, and though slightly less readable than the New Living Translation (NLT) when coupled with the notes makes for a very understandable package. I own the imitation leather version and its my main Bible that I read almost daily.
>> Buy the MacArthur Study Bible

Transformation Study Bible (New Living Translation) – I recently bought a study Bible for a friend who preferred NLT. Understandable so as it’s clearly the most comfortable to read. I surveyed all the NLT Bibles that had notes…all the study Bibles. This was the clear winner in my mind. A great set of notes that were relevant and not cheesy or stupid. A really great approach to book introductions as well. Did I not get hooked on MacArthur, this would be my main reader. I purchased the bonded leader version, which is really nice, but they also have imitation leather and a fairly inexpensive hardcover option.
>> Buy the Transformation Study Bible

Now…if you really can’t bear the thought of lugging around a thick Bible everywhere, just pick up a small and thin New Living Translation like this one:
>> Buy the Compact NLT Bible

Lastly, if you are new to Bible reading, you might want to stay away from The Message. Even in my limited reading I have found a few clear errors in the way it is paraphrased. It’s actually not a Bible…technically just a summary or paraphrase. Still, in teaching I have used it often as it sometimes does a great job of beautifully articulating the meaning. Just read it alongside a real translation.

NOTE: I am 100% sure many of you will find doctrinal pieces of some of these study Bibles that you disagree with. There isn’t a human on the planet who has EVERYTHING figured out. That’s ok. In general, most of these differences though really don’t matter. And it’s a bit crazy to to think it would be better to not study at all than to learn from a great teacher who may have a difference of opinion on something yet totally agrees with the core values and teachings:)

The term “false teachers” isn’t one I use very often. It seems like a term that one of those “holier-than-thou” type Christians would always be using and I spend a great deal of time working on not being one of those folks.  The truth though, is that I haven’t been able to get away from the term this last week. I read a good chunk of the new testament of the Bible in the last few weeks and I’m absolutely astonished as to how many references there are to false teachers. In fact, there are a few books like Jude or 2 John, that basically contain nothing but warnings against false teachers. Yup, entire books of the Bible dedicated to telling us to watch out for people who sound like they know the Bible but really aren’t on point at all.

If we subscribe to the common tennet of Christianity that God’s word is not only what God said 2000 years ago, but what he is saying today…well, its pretty hard to imagine that now in 2009, we suddenly don’t have to worry about this problem. So what does this mean?

I guess it means that we are needing to be wise in what we accept as good teaching. Perhaps it means that we need to study the Bible on our own and discern whether or not what we are being taught is true. I am no expert in this…in fact, over the course of my life I’ve been pretty bad at studying the Bible on my own. But I work on it. I’m just thinking out loud here.

I’d love to take the next few years and study the teachings of all the preachers on TV and radio and examine their doctrines…but I’m hardly qualified. I can tell you though, if your teacher tells you that Jesus wants you to have a life without suffering, or perhaps a life of financial prosperity…well, he isn’t reading the same Bible that I do :)

But seriously, I was just amazed at the frequency with which the net testament exhorts us to be careful about false teachers. I’m going to be thinking about that this week.

If you have been hanging around here for the last couple years, you will inevitably know my dear friend Courtney and her lovely family. Courtney and her husband Brian are heroes of our day literally dedicating their lives to serving God and serving kids. 

If you can, please read her oct 8th post at the link below. They are in need of help.

http://www.storinguptreasures.com/

I finally got around to posting some pictures from the last few weeks. I wanted to give you some images that I took on Sept 23rd as we remember the passing of Misty last year. In the midst of a very difficult day for many, we had what was truly a beautiful time that I think Olivia will appreciate forever.

She and I visited Mommy in the cemetery. Olivia picked out pink roses…pink is her favorite. Whenever we visit, she always leans over and touches the stone engraved image of Mommy’s face. This is usually where my eyes well up as she tells Misty how she misses her and that she loves her. This particular visit, I also found myself listening to a story of how she wants to go camping in the snow with Mommy.

We also spent some time on the beach with a few members of the family. We released butterflies as a memory of Misty. Olivia then chased the butterflies for 20 minutes from the edge of the waves up to the dunes. It was a rainy day, so we didn’t have much competition for the beach…which was nice.  

Probably the best part of the day for my little lady was being able to write on a balloon and send it up to heaven. She knew this was coming and had been talking about it for days. Olivia had some nice things to say, which I helped her write, then she let the helium filled message carrier fly out over the ocean and up to heaven. I was kinda amazed seeing a 2 year old standing there watching them fly away…in an almost somber respect.

She doesn’t grieve the same way that you or I do, but she gets it. And the simple fact that she does get it hasn’t always been easy for me. Shortly after Misty died, I found it difficult to accept the pain Olivia would walk through for the rest of her life…just wondering what her Mommy was like and wishing she could be with her. That still hurts me. The words on this computer screen are getting blurry as my eyes fill with tears for that. I can’t say it will ever be easy. But one thing that I do believe that God has spoken to me very clearly about is that just as I can sit here today and tell you I am a different person because of Misty, well…I believe Olivia will be able to say that as well. Just as you have been impacted by Misty’s faith, so will Olivia. And while it’s painful for her to walk through life with this, I have an unshakable confidence that she will be a stronger person than you or I can imagine.  Suffering changes people. It’s generally up to us whether or not it will be for the better or for the worse. For me, I am better. For Olivia…it will be the same.

Dear Misty,
My pen somewhat betrays me tonight. My heart overflows with words, but none seem to express the gravity with which my heart is burdened. I have wrestled with searching for perfect eloquence in my words here, but I am afraid I’ll fail miserably. I know you don’t care though about eloquence…Thanks for always loving me through my strengths and my weaknesses. So after hours of a blank page…I’m going to just write.

In fact, “Thanks” is basically what I need to say here. Let’s start with thanks for being my best friend for 13 years. You walked with me through everything and you never once turned your back on me. The dedication with which you loved me and eventually Olivia was absolutely astonishing. Thanks for putting up with me and even loving me when I put other things (like ministry) in front of our relationship. You were so gracious.

Thanks for sharing everything with me, keeping our relationship so open and healthy. For making me talk about issues even when my weakness had me wanting to simply fall asleep and deal with it another day. You taught me what healthy communication is. I’m still getting better at this and I remember your example often.

Thanks for being strong enough and wise enough to speak into my life and to sharpen me through the years. I loved how you were so discerning and full of wisdom. I have few people in my life who are always honest with me and challenge me. You were always that.

Thanks for holding onto your faith until the end. I still talk of how you looked at the face of death and barely blinked. Your turned your eyes to Jesus and focused on him through absolutely devastating circumstances. Just this week I was telling the story of how I approached you with news from the doctor that he thought you only had 2 weeks to live. I can see it like it was yesterday. You cried one tear and looked up staring me in the eye. “You’re just trusting God?” I timidly asked…and you nodded in affirmation. Your strength and faith in God was astounding.

I wish you could read the emails and letters I have from hundreds of people across this globe. Stories of radical transformation in lives and in families as people turned to Jesus because of the example of faith that you set. Stories upon stories of lives changed and relationships restored. You are a hero to thousands. I wish you could know how over 10,000 people a day were reading your story on our blog. Your life has been such an influence…but not just to the blog world; also to our family. Those closest to us are changed forever and I believe for the better. Not the least of which is me. I’m sitting here in a pool of tears because I know there is no way that I can repay you for what you have given to me. You helped shape my faith and my life….and you did it willingly, even when it took you through incredible suffering. I have nothing to even come close to expressing my humility here. I’m so incredibly sorry for what you went through. How you willingly, not voluntarily, but willingly walked into the arms of Jesus still trusting him. I’m brokenhearted today…not for my loss, but because someone I love so greatly paid such a steep price for the benefit of so many. Many you don’t even know.

Before I go I have to tell you a little about what’s going on…
 
Olivia and I talk about you often. Lately, she has been making up stories about how Mommy comes down from Heaven and plays with her or watches her sleep and then goes back. She misses you. She misses you but I can’t even explain how incredible she is. She is sensitive, loving, smart and already pretty darn funny. She is exactly like you.  Thank you for giving her to me. I will never drop the ball on caring for her. She has my heart.

Things with Anthem of Hope are going well. The first CD is almost done and we decided to do a journal that goes with it (which is totally written, just working on the layout). I had hoped to have it out by the end of summer…but you know how I get a little over ambitious. I’m working on that. We are only a few weeks away from finishing the AoH recording studio we just built. It’s totally pro and we should be started on the Worship CD pretty soon.

I kinda have some big news too. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be heading to seminary. The mantle that God has put on me with Anthem of Hope is really stretching me to get smart about the Bible. For me to do this right I feel like I have to go get a serious seminary degree. Not sure of the details on that yet…but I’m pretty sure its coming.

I’m doing well Mist. This year has been pretty rough at times, but I feel like God has been carrying me. In fact, just this week I sat in my office and cried for 20 minutes during lunch as I listened to a Leeland song. Here is the first few words:

Carry Me on Your Back
Even heroes fall down
And mountains won’t last forever
But Your promise never fails

When the ocean is raging
I find stillness in Your presence
And I lift my voice to say
‘Jesus take me away!

[CHORUS]
Carry me on your back
Through the storm, Lord!
Carry me on your back
Through the storm, Lord!

Seriously, you should get it on iTunes. Well worth it.

I want you to know that Olivia and I are happy. She is my highest priority and I am doing the best I can with her. I think we are doing well. Mist, God is really healing my heart. A month or two ago, God took away the loneliness that had bound me for months after you left. It was like he overnight replaced it with a fulfillment in him. Things are good now. I have been reading the Bible and praying more than ever in my life. I feel like I hear from God and I’m walking in his plan.

I’m so sorry for not posting your index cards online. It was hard for me at first to do those and I let it slip through the cracks. I have no real excuse for this and I’m kinda ashamed I let it slip. There are lots of people who could have benefited from these. I’m not going to throw in the towel though. I have been working this week on http://mistyleblanc.com and I intend to launch it in the near future. I’m excited about it.

I still have the bottle of anointing oil we always used in our house to pray for you. With it remain burning questions of why God didn’t seem to live up to his word. (i.e. James 5:14-15) I’m not through with that. Like I said, I’m planning a 3 year excursion to Seminary where I can wrestle with God and hopefully draw closer to an understanding of the Bible and what it says about what you walked through. I’m somewhat intimidated to do this….I know it’s right though.

Anyway, it’s almost 4am and you’d be yelling at me to get to bed. So I’m gonna do that. I have to recap something though: I want to say this so clearly and loudly…I am who I am, the man, the father, the leader, the Christian, the servant…I am that because of you. God has used you to make me radically different than what I would have been without you. I owe you a debt that I cannot repay.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I esteem you so highly…

love,
Darren